How to tell if your child is falling behind at school (and what to do next)

Most children do not walk through the door and announce that they are struggling. In fact, many work very hard to hide it.

They may smile, say school was “fine”, and complete work that looks acceptable on the surface. Meanwhile, they could be confused, anxious, or relying heavily on copying others just to keep up.

Schools also tend to focus on behaviour and effort in reports, so a quiet child who is trying hard can easily slip under the radar. This means parents are often the first to notice that something does not feel quite right.

So how can you tell the difference between a normal wobble and a genuine concern?

Changes in independence

One of the clearest indicators is a change in how much support your child needs.

If work that used to be manageable suddenly requires constant help, prompts, or supervision, it may signal that the underlying skills are not secure. For example, a child who once read confidently may begin avoiding books, or a child who previously completed maths homework alone may now rely on step by step guidance.

Children rarely say “I do not understand”. Instead, they might procrastinate, become distracted or insist the work is boring.

Homework becoming a daily struggle

Homework time can reveal far more than school reports.

If a short task consistently turns into an hour of frustration, tears or arguments, something is usually wrong. This does not necessarily mean the work is too difficult in terms of ability. It may be that your child lacks confidence, feels overwhelmed, or does not know where to start.

Some children respond by rushing through work carelessly. Others become perfectionistic and anxious about every detail. Both can signal that they are not secure in what they are doing.

Loss of confidence

Academic difficulties often show up emotionally before they show up in grades.

A child who once approached schoolwork calmly may start saying things like “I am stupid” or “Everyone else is better than me”. They might avoid answering questions in class, panic about tests or become unusually upset over small mistakes.

Confidence and attainment are closely linked. When confidence drops, performance usually follows - this can create a cycle that is hard to break without support.

Avoidance behaviours

Avoidance is one of the most common ways children cope with difficulty.

This might look like forgetting homework, losing books, taking frequent breaks or suddenly becoming very interested in anything other than schoolwork. Younger children may complain of stomach aches or headaches, especially on school mornings or before assessments.

These physical symptoms are often genuine signs of anxiety rather than attempts to avoid school deliberately.

Teacher feedback that sounds positive but vague

School communication can sometimes be reassuring without being specific.

Comments such as “working towards expectations”, “needs to build confidence”, or “would benefit from more practice” often indicate that a child is not yet secure in key skills. Teachers may choose gentle wording to avoid causing worry, especially if the child is well-behaved and trying hard.

If you are unsure what these comments mean in practice, it is worth asking for clarification. Questions like “Which specific areas are hardest?” or “What skills should we focus on at home?” can provide a much clearer picture.

When a wobble is normal

Not every difficulty means a child is falling behind.

Learning naturally involves periods of challenge, especially when children encounter new types of work. Moving into Year 3, upper KS2 or secondary school often brings a noticeable jump in expectations. Temporary dips in confidence or performance are common during these transitions.

What matters is whether your child begins to adjust and improve with time, or whether the struggle continues and begins to affect their wellbeing.

What to do if you are concerned

If you suspect your child may be falling behind, the most helpful first step is a calm conversation. Avoid interrogating them about school. Instead, ask open questions and listen carefully to how they describe their experience.

It is also worth speaking to the class teacher. Teachers can provide insight into how your child is coping in lessons, whether they are keeping up with the pace and how they compare to typical expectations for their year group.

If gaps are identified, early support is key. Small gaps are usually much easier to close than large ones, and addressing them sooner can prevent loss of confidence later.

Most importantly, try not to frame the situation as a failure. Children are highly sensitive to adult reactions. Presenting support as something positive and normal helps protect their self esteem.